coming back for good.

a day to remember :)

...thought of coming back for good. But it seems like I'm just dwelling in a million words; in a clueless state of mind. Puzzled, baffled, what else could describe how complicated I am now huh. 'Nuff said.

Love letter to my son #1

Assalamualaikum anak mommy 😊
By the time i'm writing this, you are soundly sleeping with your babah. Today is 30/4/2017, 3 Sha'ban 1438Hijriah, and you are 3y3m old.

Cant believe I just started writing to you when you are already 3 years old. I should have started earlier- cause I have so much things to say to you. Hmm ☹️

Also at this moment, it's almost 5 years of my marriage with your babah. 3 years of having you have been wonderful, blissful, despite the hardship me and your babah have been facing since few years back. - im not gonna to tell you what problem it is, cause it doesnt concern you, and you shouldnt be worried about this.

Anyway back to the reason Im writing this, is to tell you how much you mean to me. Eventhough you are not growing up as well as other kids, we believe it will pass soon. This is a test from Allah. The Almighty is testing our patience in educating you, shaping you to become a good Muslim. This year especially has not been easy. Therapist, paed and psychologist have suspected that you have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) which explains why you are unable to focus, easy to get mad, and also one of the reasons why you are still unable to speak. At this moment you still utter your own language. Only one-word meaningful words. However we dont lose hope on you. Mommy wont lose hope on you. Therapist also said that this is not permanent. ADD can be cured, improved. Hence we've been sending you to therapies every week. But we dont expect much from you cause whatever condition you are in, we will always accept and love you as much as you deserve! And Im grateful, blessed enough that you rarely sick, and despite of your speech delay, you still understand what we ask you to do. Most importantly, I can see love in your eyes. You love mommy, you love babah kan? :)

Whatever happens, and will happen later, please know that mommy loves you so much. Nothing can replace you dear. Nothing is more valuable than you. Im sorry for any kekurangang yg mommy ada as a mom. Im not a perfect mom, i admit it. I dont cook well, i dont clean up well. But Im always trying my best to provide you the best. No matter how hard life would be, I will never let you be hungry or wear dirty clothes. You deserve the best, because you are the best, the greatest gift from Allah. Alhamdulillah wa syukr lillah.

My hopes for you sayang, not to be a great person with high-pay job, title and so on. I only hope that you will be a soleh person, a good Muslim so we can live together in Jannah happily. This life is only temporary, akhirat is permanent. Whoever you are in the world, it's nothing if you dont do well for the Hereafter.

Remember sayang, orang paling berjaya adalah yang menjaga solatnya. If you're sad, scared, happy, lost, down, and so on, talk to Allah. He will hear you, listen to you.

I love you Ahmad Danish Iman. And will always love you. XX 

-Mommy-
 

Yesterday 29/4/17.
We were sending Atok to KLIA. 
He had a short work trip here in KL.







1/4/2017 - sending mommy to work. Thank you Danish for always patiently accompanying Babah to send and fetch me up from work!


12/4/17 - our first movie together. You love Smurfs so muchhh.


24/4/17 - going to rumah Ibu. It was a public holiday - pertabalan Sultan Kelantan ad YDP Agong, also Isra' Mikraj.


20/4/2017 - fetching you up from playschool.




27/4/17 - sending mommy to work.



----

My first giving birth experience!

Assalamualaikum beautiful people. May Allah shower you with His endless blessings.

It's just a normal Sunday today. As I couldn't close my eyes after Subuh prayer, I decided to reply customers' messages and then proceeded with cooking for lunch. Done cooking, here I am writing this post.

I I had always wanted to share my first time delivering baby 'cause I believe first-time moms these days spend most of their times writing related blogs and journals in preparing themselves before the most-waited bundle of joy come to this world. Well that's exactly what I did few months before I delivered. This is also for my own reference. I WILL NEED to recall this before it happens again for the second time.

Okay lemme just go straight to the point. My son now is 1 year, 1 month and 5 days old. Which means I'd been delaying this post for 1 year, 1 month and 5 days time :D

Alright. I first discovered that I was pregnant on July 2013. It was few days before Ramadhan. My pregnancy was 3 month old during Hari Raya. It was a tough fasting month as I had such a terrible morning sickness. Was bedridden, skipped fasting, but still had no appetite. Few days before Hari Raya, Alhamdulillah my morning sickness disappeared, thus I had such a blast celebration. I ate everything I could eat. hehe.

So my EDD (Expected Date of Delivery) was February 1st, 2014. Nothing special about this date except that it was a month before my final examination. So yayy, I had exams without worries. Tengah2 sarat tu pergi exam hall, and hubby waited for me outside. What a memory :')

So here comes the story. On 2nd of February (my pregnancy was 40 weeks and 1 day old), I had slight contraction. It all started midnight, around 1 am if I'm not mistaken. Sakit sangat2. I recorded the gaps between each contraction using a mobile application named Contraction Timer. Mula2 the gaps were unstable. Kejap2, selang 10 mins, kejap2 5,3 mins. I was like "Am I going to deliver now??"

I forced myself to sleep. Berpeluh2 jugak la menahan sakit. Mengiring ke kiri, kanan until I felt comfortable and fell asleep sbb penat sangat. The pain came again around 5am but still could endure for few hours. It was 8am that I told hubby "Abg, tak tahan. Sakit sangat dah ni". I told my parents as well and they advised me to go to hospital cepat2.

I went to the living room, tried to watch TV while my hubby went out to buy me breakfast. I requested for bihun goreng and iced Milo. Sekejap je, he bought from aunty selling nasi lemak kat ground floor. Then I ate sikit je. Couldn't finish. Went to the bathroom, took a shower for almost 30 minutes sebab the contraction kept coming. Nangis sambil mandi hehe.

Settle mandi, we rushed to the nearest hospital - Hospital Ampang. It was 12pm at that time. Masuk2 je, doctor check bukaan and it was 3cm. So terus kena admit to ward. Tukar baju, kena ambik darah, naik wheelchair pegi ward, it all took few hours sebab sambil menahan contraction. So naik katil when it was 3pm. Tak lama rest, doctor dtg check bukaan lagi. It was 5cm! and doctor cakap "Okay boleh prepare masuk Labour Room". I was like "Whattttt I belum sempat rest pun lagi. Im not ready, not ready!" Monolog dalaman je la hehe. Hubby then came, carrying baby and my stuff. Termengah2 dia bawak 2 bags; one was mine, one was baby's, dengan satu bakul isi biskut, termos, susu kambing etc. Haha. Baru nak sampai katil, I told him "Nak masuk Labour Room dah" He was "Haaaa?" HAHAHAHA.

So around 4pm, tibalah sy dgn takut and nervousnya dalam LR tu. But it was a nice one, unlike what I read about Govt. Hospitals in internet. Most excitingly is my husband boleh teman.

So naik katil, nurse and midwife pun start pasang drip, CTG scan and so on. Time ni ada sehelai baju cover bahagian depan sahaja. Kain dah kena bukak awal2, and kena kangkang. Huhu. A few doctors came to check on me. Paling tak suka when this one doctor ckp "full bladder". Dang. Tadi macam dah habis kencing T.T. Nurse then masukkan this one tube, hubby ckp kecik sikit dari straw, and buangkan urine. Sakit. Sakit gila and the ngilu effect took months to hilang! huhu

Then around 6pm, nurse tanya nak teran tak. I was like "kenapa tanya? boleh pilih masa ke ape?" Haha. Soalan org nak bersalin memang irrational. Dia cakap bukaan dah 8cm. I might wait until 10cm or try to push. Time tu memang rasa nak settle cepat je so I pun start push. Contraction time ni sakit paling sakit sampai mengerang jugak la. I kept ckp "Abg, sakit...sakit" Dia macam biasa lah.."Sabar ye syg. Sekejap je". "-____-

Oh btw, I was thankful time tu sebab though we couldn't request for a female doctor, yg dalam LR semua female nurses. Dorang yg sambut baby. Tak perlu doctor. Probably sebab my case takde ape2 complication. I liked it even more sebab the nurse pasang bacaan ayat2 al-Quran. Definitely calm :)

Back to story, I kept pushing, resting, alternately. Very exhausted. Until this one time nurse cakap "Dah nampak kepala! Push kuat lagi dek" I was like okay2. Tapi bila push, salah teknik kot, the head masuk balik. Urghhhhhhhh. Stressed out gila. I told hubby "I wanna c-sect". Hubby ckp "Eh dah nampak kepala dah. Sikit lagi ni. Sikit lagi"

Tak puas hati. I cakap kuat2 "Nak czer je...nak czerrrr" HAHAHA. Memang irrational. Nurse pun ckp benda yg sama. "Dah keluar sikit kepala ni.. Takkan nak masukkan balik"

It was a total chaos.

So I kumpul tenaga and gave a strong push until I heard "Okay dah keluar dah. Alhamdulillah. Dah settle dah puan". It was 8.33pm masa tu. They sambut the baby, cleaned him out and bagi my hubby to recite Azan. I saw him crying. Nak touching2 tapi bo layan sebab penat gila. Nurse tanya "Tau tak jantina dia?" "Ye, lelaki" Lemah longlai je jawab sebab sangat3 penat.

Lepas azan, nurse letak baby on my chest. Our first skin contact! Sebab penat sangat, I looked at him samar2 je. Then hubby kena suruh keluar sebab nurse nak jahit yg bawah tu. Jahit pun dah tak rasa apa sebab penat sangat. Settle jahit, they left me for a while. Uruskan dokumen kot. My baby was lying down opposite to me. Atas scale ke ape tah. He was wide awake. He stared at me. Tak berkelip sangat. I was like "Hi baby, it's mommy" :')

Then bla3...nurse sent me to ward, while my baby was taken utk diberi injection ke ape tah. 2am baru they sent him to me. Time tu macam "eh ada baby. eh apa nak buat ni"

Nurse ckp "baby awak berak tau"

oh...okay

I spent 1 hour to clean him out! ye lah jalan pun macam pingu kan lol.

So the next day I thought dah boleh balik. My parents dah datang to pick me up and bawak balik Sabak Bernam. Tapi doctor cakap my baby expected to kena infection sebab my water broke early. So there we stayed for another 3,4 days. And Alhamdulillah he's free from any infection.

Then balik lah kami ke Sabak Bernam dan bermulalah our life with this addition. Will share my confinement experience later. Till then!

My First 2015 post!

Assalamualaikum. It's been weeks, months, years. fuh. I have kinda laundry list of things, events to recap. Good and bad, both happened. Everything can be simply put by answering this question; who i am now?

I am a mother of a beautiful boy named Ahmad Danish Iman, a loyal wife to a man called Aji. That is it. My husband's company just had its worst, expected situation. A great loss, I can say. So we are now struggling, doing, trying our best to bounce back. I quit my master's study just because we could not afford to pay study fee, and because we had no time to do so. I mentioned "We" 'cause that's marriage; we share everything. My time is his, vise versa.

bla bla bla...my second sister is married. that's it. lol

will continue later.

Wait a minute. Lemme talk something about my beautiful baby. He is one year old now. Yayy! a year of changing diapers, preparing milk, and so on. Congratulations to me!

Ahmad Danish Iman, if you are reading this, Mommy would like to let you know that my life has never ever been better than this. Your existence means a LOT to me. Can't ever imagine my life without you; even in a second! Mommy love you baby, will always do. XX 

my 2D Detailed and 3D4D Scans

What are the differences between 2D Detailed and 3D4D Scan?

Read here.

...and so within these 9 months, we managed to do several sessions of ultrasound scan; 2D Detailed scan for once, and 3D4D scan for three times.

Mind you, the price for ultrasound scan is generally high in Malaysia, particularly in Klang Valley and Kuala Lumpur.

Since I do my maternal check-ups in a goverment clinic (Klinik Kesihatan Ibu dan Anak Hulu Kelang), we needed to look for private clinics for the scan purposes. Govt KKIA does provide the service but only the 2D one, not 3D4D.

So our selected clinics were:

1) Klinik Fazilah, Sri Gombak [2D Detailed + 3D4D Scan: RM160]

2) Klinik Mediviron, Bukit Mahkota [3D4D Scan: RM80]

3) Klinik Dr. Nurzawati, Puncak Alam [3D4D Scan: RM20]

We basically got the information and details about this clinic from this very helpful FB Page: 3d/4d SonoWorld.

And yea, as you can see, the prices are totally different. Well this is because for the second and the last clinic, we actually went for them due to promotions offered by the admin of 3d/4d SonoWorld . In other words, dapat discount lah. To those who wanna try scanning for cheaper price may keep in touch with them :)

Among those three clinics, I would recommend for the second one; Klinik Mediviron, Bukit Mahkota sebab the doctor / sonographer will do their best in making sure that you will go back with satisfaction. In my case, walaupun dapat harga diskaun, yet my baby was soundly sleeping and refused to show his face, the doctor kept trying and trying until he finally showed his face. The session took place for almost 2 hours! On top of that, I went home with around 100 copies of photos and videos. (soft copy la) Memang sangat2 puas hati :)

Klinik Fazilah, Sri Gombak (26w)

 Klinik Mediviron, Bukit Mahkota (30w)

Klinik Dr. Nurzawati, Puncak Alam (33w)

*just look at my foot, will ya Mommy?

XX

Back to blogging!

Hello, world. Assalamualaikum. Finally, I decided to blog again…after 2 years of ignorance lol. Referring to the previous post, September 2, 2012 marked my Engagement Day. Well, instead of posting on every single event happened after that significant day, I bet it’d be much better for me to just write a very brief recap. Why did I opt to blog again? -'cause I really want my kids to have something to read about their Mommy, at least after I make my leave....

13 October 2012: this date highlights one of the most important days in my life. We; me and fiancé` officially, legally became husband and wife. Yayy! Alhamdulillah :') The Solemnization or akad Niqah ceremony was held in SHAS Mosque, IIUM. Our wedding was actually in conjunction with IIUM 1st Grand Marriage. Hence there were four newlywed couples including us, hence there were loads of people inside and outside the mosque; the families, committees, media staff, etc. fuhh.

Penyerahan mas kahwin (1 Dinar GCP) + Batal air sembahyang ceremony

Just married!

The reception then took place after Zuhr prayer; approximately 2pm, at the Main Hall of Cultural Activity Centre (CAC), IIUM. Oh ya, since the event was the first one to be held in IIUM, we just paid 3k and all was covered including those which are sponsored; bridal chambers, full wedding attires, cakes, etc.

Wedding reception at CAC Main Hall. With our 4-taken-and-other-are-single BFFs :)

Parents were already head back home at this time for Kenduri do'a selamat preparation

Yadda yadda yadda….it all ended around 5pm. After changing clothes, we straightly drove back to my hometown, Sabak Bernam. There’d be a kenduri do’a selamat after maghrib prayer and the next day would be another wedding reception. Pheww. The in-laws were already settled at a homestay near Kepong and my family members had gone back to Sabak Bernam way earlier than us. And yes, my maid of honor did go back with us :)

14 October 2012: This was when our humble wedding reception took place :) Tak dapat nak cerita panjang2 but I'd really like to express my gratitude to my beloved parents, aunts, siblings (especially my 2^nd sister) who had been helping me out A LOT since the very beginning. I didn’t do much, mind you, since I was busy with my studies in UM. 

Wedding reception at my house

Not to be forgotten, my in-laws who’d been supporting us, mentally and financially :)
Parents  and siblings-in-laws took the afternoon flight to Kota Kinabalu the next day.

After everything ended, and we finally got to calm down haha, the real, new life began. We actually planned to just stay separately until Hubby finished his study but…haha Allah indeed had the best plan for us. After around one month of me ulang alik from UM to UIA (thank you, my 2^nd bridesmaid for letting me stay at your room for almost one semester hehe), we finally moved together to a very humble house located in Kg. Changkat, Gombak. It was okay lah, the rent was quite affordable for us students. Though it was not full-equipped; no TV, washing machine, stove, ceiling fan, etc, we did survive living there for almost 5 months, happily, blissfully. Eceh.

Moving to another topic, our wedding reception (Hubby’s side) took place in December 2012; can’t recall the exact date though. It was really happening, I told ya, ‘cause I got to know my Hubby’s relatives and friends whom are mostly living in Kota Kinabalu, Sipitang and Tawau, Sabah :) Seronok! And mostly because the reception was to celebrate not only us, but my brother-in-law and his wife, who just got married for about 3 weeks at that time. (Both of us langkah bendul. lol)

Wedding reception at Wisma Pertaninan, Kota Kinabalu, Sabah
*make-up was superb. Thanks, MUA kak Kabirah!

Moving to another interesting topic, after we got back to Gombak, we were both busy with assignments, tests, etc, as the semester was about to end in a few weeks’ time.  During that particular time, I started to feel unwell, continuously. 

On my way back from UM (I drove alone, Hubby was having a lecture at this hour), after submitting my final term paper, I insisted to get myself a pregnancy test kit. Hence I dragged myself to Guardian or Watson pharmacy (can’t recall which one) and bought the most expensive and accurate (based on my online survey) pregnancy test kit, which tak mahal mana pun, MYR36 something if I’m not mistaken. Sampai2 je rumah, my curiosity had caused me to try that asap, not to wait for Hubby to come back from class first. Haha hentam. Blab la bla…it was positive! Yayy! The ClearBlue digital pregnancy test kit told me that I was 3+ week pregnant. Alhamdulillah. Saya yang memang kurang kesabaran ni terus inform my sisters, friends and Hubby. Haha! I was speechless, excited, nervous, semua lah. Mixed feelings. First time kan. My friends could not digest the information at first ‘cause all of them were still enjoying their single life at that time. This was really alien to them haha but still, I was showered with loads of congratulatory wishes and of course, loves.

But the good news was envious with me :(

Around two weeks after receiving the news, ironically, my life got worse and worse. I was literally bedridden for 3 MONTHS. I couldn’t eat, drink and do whatever I wanted to. The so-called morning sickness attacked me the whole day. It only lasted after the D&C :'( Because of that, I was admitted to hospital for about 4-5 times. The checking procedure was painful, the fact that I was left by Hubby was more painful, and the information given by doctor that my baby had stopped living was the most painful… My case was referred to as Missed Miscarriage where the miscarriage was because the fetus did not successfully grow and ended up stopped developing. It all started during my maternal check-up, where the doctor did not find any heart beat on the ultrasound scanner. 

Yadda yadda yadda…on February 20, 2013, I had my D&C or cuci Rahim minor operation. Didn’t wanna focus on being sad, I kept myself busy with study. Verily, Allah’s plan is the Best.

Part of my medical details

First meal after discharge

April 2013: we got ourselves a new, better house in Bukit Antarabangsa. Alhamdulillah. Though the rent is quite high, but we do think it’s worth it since it’s fully furnished. 3 bedrooms, 1 shower and 2 toilets are more than enough :)

Bla bla bla…..in July 2013, when we were anticipating our vacation to Bandung, we were more excited to receive the fact that I was pregnant again. Yayy! Syukur, Alhamdulillah. Well, I still am, now :D I was scared at first. Scared of being bedridden, warded again. But Alhamdulillah, this time, things have been kind to me. It’s only during the first trimester; the first three months of pregnancy where I suffered from morning sickness, where we had to cancel our Bandung plan and where I did not manage to fast for manyyyyy days. (it was Ramadhan at that time). But then Alhamdulillah, as eid arrived, and my second trimester began, my body started to get better and better. My appetite and health were back to normal, or even better. Mind you, I gained loads of kilos during this second trimester, which keep continuing until now. Huwaaa.

Raya Aidilfitri. Amik gambar jauh2 sebab masing2 ada wudhu' :D

November 2013: it’s Hubby’s convocation day! Yayy! Apart from me being happy of his graduation, it was a real excitement ‘cause my family-in-law were all here for almost 2 weeks. We did make use of every single day. We visited FIL’s sibling in JB, and went all around KL; Petrosains, I-city, Metropolitan Park and banyak lah. Hari2 berjalan sana-sini. Well that’s the bonus when your husband is a freelancer :)

I was the happiest person on earth since I got to fulfill almost ALL my cravings! And yah, that had caused me to gain MORE kilos. And due to that, I had to go through 2 MGTT tests. Ini paling tak best. Well, MGTT stands for Modified Glucose Tolerance Test that most pregnant women in Malaysia with high risk (excessive weight gain like me, genetic history of diabetes, etc) have to go through a screening test.

Baby shower! Thanks ladies! XX

Bla bla bla….then 2014 finally made its appearance. Maka bermula lah detik2 menunggu our precious lil’ one to come out from my womb ni ha. A friend of mine whose EDD is similar to mine has already delivered her baby boy at 36 week of pregnancy while me?..........still anticipating my baby’s arrival whom has been expected to come out this Saturday! (February 1, 2014) So….here I am, blogging about those significant events happened within last two years, to keep myself away from being bored of waiting. lol. Yet indeed, penantian itu satu penyeksaan T.T

Tapi takpe lah sayang, Mommy will keep waiting (though not patiently haha) for you okay :D Keep being healthy and happy in there hehe.

Our lil' one at 30 week of pregnancy :')

*hopefully by next week keluar lah khalifah Allah yg sorang ni yeeee :)

So with that, I end my ramblings here. Subuh prayer time is coming in a few minutes time. Toodles and Assalamualaikum.

XX

maybank rm1700